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How to Creatively Curse Around Parents and Small Children During the Holidays | Jejee Blog

How to Creatively Curse Around Parents and Small Children During the Holidays

It’s that time of year when so many of us venture back to our hometowns to spend the holidays with family and friends and have to tone down our potty mouths. In my neck of the woods, Grandma’s not too keen on my hearty use of the phrase motherf*cker, so I’ve had to get creative over the years. There are the always reliable motherfrencher and motherflipper, but like everything else, even cursing can get a festive treatment during Christmastime. Here are a few cheerful alternatives to some favorite curse words for when you start to slip up.

  • If you start to say assh*le . . .
    . . . say Advent calendar or angels we have heard on high.
  • If you start to say b*tch . . .
    . . . say bowl full of jelly.
  • If you start to say d*ck . . .
    . . . say ding dong merrily on high.
  • If you start to say f*ck . . .
    . . . say fa la la la, feliz navidad, or figgy pudding.
  • If you start to say godd*mn it . . .
    . . . say go tell it on the mountain.
  • If you start to say Jesus Christ . . .
    . . . say jingle bells or Jack Frost.
  • If you start to say motherf*cker . . .
    . . . say merry Christmas!
  • If you start to say p*ssy . . .
    . . . say pa rum pum pum pum.
  • If you start to say sh*t . . .
    . . . say sugarplum fairy.
  • If you start to say son of a b*tch . . .
    . . . say son of a nutcracker.

So come Christmas Eve, when my cat inevitably starts eating the Christmas tree and I get mad and scream “jingle bells, merry Christmas!” at him, everyone will just assume I’m really, really excited about the holidays.

– Additional reporting by Cassie Becker


Source: Suger

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