Facebook has alerted me multiple times that today is my ex’s birthday. Never has the social networking site been so abundant with reminders. Some of my closest friends’ birthdays have come and gone without even a hint from the platform, and yet, today it’s telling me I really ought to get to it.
But the question is, should I? If you find yourself in the same bemusing predicament, join me in hashing it out. Of course, you could save yourself the drama and just decide on the spot. But if you’d like to stretch this out like relationship pizza dough, here are a few questions you might just want to ask yourself.
Why are you doing it?
Question your honest motive here: just exactly why are you doing it? It might be no more than a friendly wish. But subconsciously, it may well be a plea for attention or acknowledgement on your part. Dig deep and be sure there is no hidden agenda before you start hitting the keys.
Did your ex enhance your life?
Once upon a time, they may have been insistent that you spend the day listening to Radiohead (which you were initially reluctant to, though it ended up rocking your sheltered teenage world). That’s a nice memory. But does the modern-day model still echo the past’s positive influence or, quite simply, has that person served their purpose?
If things soured towards the end of your relationship and you see little positivity left, be mindful of the present against the past. As the wise John Mayer once tweeted, “Reminisce responsibly.” Amen, Mayer.
Is it a balanced relationship?
OK, so you’ve moved on from the whole ordeal, but has your ex? If you’re secretly harboring old feelings or there’s a possibility that they might, tread carefully here. Be sure that things are as amicable as they can be on both sides.
If you can answer all of the above questions with haste and certainty, then a happy birthday you may wish. Hell, go all in and send them a cat GIF if you feel like it. If you’re left with a little doubt, however, steer clear and remember today as just another day of bettering you. Leave it to their mothers to send the birthday wishes.