Raise your hand if you use sex not just to show love but also as a form of communication; a help in solving fights, disputes, or other disagreements in your marriage. My hand is up. Not everything can be solved with a discussion and words – sometimes you just have to feel it. But in my house, sex isn’t the only physical act we use to help solve problems and make our marriage stronger. When the going gets tough, we dance.
While it may sound silly, it actually really works if you give it a chance. When I think about the first time he and I danced together, I can still feel my stomach doing flips, I can feel his sweaty body wrapped up in mine, and I even still feel a bit shy. The first time our bodies touched was when we danced. It created so much heat, allowed no time for words, and had us both lost in each other and in the moment. We danced until the early hours of the morning, nearly every weekend, for months upon months, forgetting about anything that had happened in our past and not thinking about the what-ifs of our future.
Dance has been a part of my life since I was two years old, and I would say for my husband, even before that. A Ghanaian man, music and movement are at the heart of his culture. It’s always been dance that has helped keep him happy, and even now, living in the States, it’s dance that keeps him smiling and takes away his sorrows. For us as a couple, we use dance to keep us connected and to help get over an argument that may just not have a way to be solved. It’s our secret to keeping our love strong, our issues small, and our passion for each other alive.
1. The Feeling of Each Other’s Touch
Days are long, kids are in the picture, and there isn’t always time to get down between the sheets (or I am just insanely tired and overtouched by 8 p.m.?) So, we dance. And when we dance, we dance closer than they do in Dirty Dancing. We love to listen to music from West Africa. It’s a hip-hop island-jam type of sound that bring us back to our love life in Ghana and gets us winding.
2. The Stillness of Our Minds
When we dance, nothing seems to matter. Just the beats, the moves, and each other (and, of course, our 2-year-old when she’s trying to join in the dance party). Whatever argument we were having, whatever issues are going on in our lives, and whatever we’re worried about just fades away for those few minutes. For us, it’s a form of meditation and a way to connect deeply.
3. The Laughter It Creates
My husband’s moves are something that should land him on stage with Bruno Mars, while mine are a little, well, embarrassing. And our daughter definitely takes after her dad. No matter what song it is, what time it is, or who is around, dancing seems to get us all laughing. In the middle of all our serious dance moves, someone always busts out the Carlton dance a la The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, or the shopping cart. Dancing reminds us that you shouldn’t take life too seriously.
4. The Attraction It Stimulates
All three of the above things combined help to keep the attraction and passion my husband and I have for each other alive, and also stimulates us in that very moment. Attraction and passion are things we both think are key in our relationship. We always want to feel the sexual energy for each other that we did in the beginning. Dancing has helped keep that newness and our love life alive.